I walked into the theater Friday night to watch the film "Sorority Row" with a great deal of apprehension, and my feelings of dread were definitely not unfounded. This movie was yet another in a long line of horror movie remakes that have fallen flat. The original, "The House on Sorority Row" wasn't exactly a masterpiece, and here is a piece of advice to all Hollywood film makers: If the original was lousy chances are the retelling will be even worse. This last statement might seem harsh, but I think that I was actually being quite kind. Do yourself a gigantic favor and spend your hard earned money on Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 instead.
It is easy to read a film review and assume that my opinion is somehow biased or flawed, so here are a few points to consider. First there is the cast. It is loaded with Z list actresses from Rumer Willis to the semi-reality television’s "The Hill’s" token brunette Audrina Patridge. All these young actresses are being portrayed in the film as alcoholic, drug addicted, over-sexed coeds, and I don’t really remember knowing many girls like that in my college days. Keep an eye out for Carrie Fisher who portrays the crazed house mother Mrs. Crenshaw. She wasn’t too bad in this film, but I just couldn’t help thinking that there has to be a better role out there for the woman who played Princess Leia.
As for the plot, don’t get your hopes up. The film is terminally mundane and wholly uncreative. The story follows the girls of Theta Pi. One night a few of the sorority sisters pull the ultimate prank gone awry, and end up murdering one of their fellow housemates with a tire iron and subsequently toss her lifeless body into an abandoned mine. Blah, blah, blah, graduation day comes and the seemingly fallen girl, now dressed in a black hooded graduation gown, decides to exact her revenge with a modified tire iron. The movie ends with a plot twist that my three year old could have crafted with more intelligence, and that was it. The movie simply ended, but that was just fine by me. I am just glad the movie ended period.
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Normally I would not waste anymore of my time or yours on this awful movie, but I have to give credit where credit is due. The gore in "Sorority Row" was very well done. I have never been a huge fan of films that bring out the blood and guts to make up for lackluster performances and shoddy screenplays, but in the case of "Sorority Row", the heighted gore factor made the movie almost watchable.
I will end this post with the following food for thought: Studios will keep making bad movies as long as they have an audience. Don’t feed the problem; instead be part of the solution.
Checkout the Top 5 Horror Movie Remakes.
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